Bertie Bassett
Vital statistics
Planet of Origin: Terra Omega
Original era: 24th Century
Species Sweet
Gender Male
Appears In: The Melancholy Mafia
Portrayed By: Himself
Talk Page TalkButton

Bertie Bassett, the official mascot of the George Bassett & Co. confectioners, is a two-meter tall humanoid made entirely of liquorice allsorts. In a blatantly obvious instance of product placement, he appeared in the Seventh Inspector serial "The Melancholy Mafia".

After Bassett's belately noticed an increase in their sales of their sherbet lemons and wine gums when the Fourth Inspector adopted them his favourite sweets, they approached BTV with the idea of inserting their anthropomorphic trademark into a story. The programme's producers, desperate for money, readily agreed.

Bertie shows up to assist the Inspector when he arrives on Terra Omega and informs him of the dangerous drug "Cloud-9" being pushed by the Pearly King and his Button Men, whose neurologically deteriorated capacity for natural happiness has turned them into addicts as well. Once the Inspector has captured them, he returns in the finale for a musical number, singing "The Candy Man Can". The finale also featured the dance number "The Candy Man Can-Can", which was considered by many fans to be too adult for inclusion in the programme.

The serial met with derision from both fans and critics, arguably helped bring about the programme's cancellation a year later, and continues to top surveys of "Worst Inspector Spacetime Story Ever".


  • As BTV was a pro-Thatcher media outlet, Bertie was intended to represent the carefree happiness of the free market, in contrast to the manic-depressive kingpin of the serial's titular mafia—who was based on former Greater London Council leader "Red Ken" Livingstone.
  • Bassett's also marketed a tie-in product called the "Inspector Spacebar". Unopened original "Spacebars" in their red BOOTH-like wrappers are highly sought-after collector's items.
  • Bertie Bassett is not to be confused with the character sharing the same first name who appears in the Sixth Inspector serial "Spacewhip".

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